Sometimes it is hard when your life is purely survival. But it is human instinct to not lay down, to run, to fight, to get to the next day. You can never be sure it will be better than the last but the future is something marvelous to cling to. The present is ever evolving and astounding. It is always tomorrow. There is always a tomorrow.
مآ أجمّل أنْ تصمتْ ..
فيْ ؤجهْ منْ ينتظرْ منِك الخِصَام .. !
وما أجمل أنْ تضحك
فيْ وجهْ منْ يُنتظرْ منك البكـاءْ ..!
How beautiful is it to stay silent
When someone expects you to be enraged from them.
And how beautiful it is to laugh
When someone thinks you are going to shed tears.
Don’t let yourself feel worthless: often through life you will really be at your worst when you seem to think best of yourself; and don’t worry about losing your “personality,” as you persist in calling it: at fifteen you had the radiance of early morning, at twenty you will begin to have the melancholy brilliance of the moon, and when you are my age you will give out, as I do, the genial golden warmth of 4 p.m.
The validity and strength of emotions cannot be overestimated, for they represent in only slightly tinged form the uncamouflaged vitality of the universe as it passes through the inner self. Emotions represent, therefore, this vitality before it has been constructed into camouflage. It has been tinged psychologically in its entry through the subconscious, but that is all. Emotions are the most vital tools you have with which to work. It is for this reason that you must learn how to use them.
When I first started this blog I wanted to make an outreach to others who were on the same path as myself and wanted to find ways of filling the void. I had no intention posting of personal hurdles or goals. But tonight I feel perhaps for all the followers I have gained on this blog that i perhaps should give back a story as to why this page exists.
Growing up I had the all too common depression that sweeps teenagers. Isolation, sadness, the soul filling of ideas I thought too hard and true to argue. A head full of anger at the self pity depression brings and a violence against myself that I believed was the only fight I could make. In 2008 I was diagnosed with Bi Polar, put on medication and within a few months was hospitalised. Over the next two years I spent close to eleven months in a clinic eating every medication I could try to find my cure. I soon found that the illusive trail for a cure would not find my peace.
I’m not sure it is impreative to go into all my personal struggles of self abuse in what I believed to be persuits of gaining control, but to say the least I was destructive. Destruction does not gain control, or even the elusive normality I thought I was trying to obtain.
The last time I admitted myself into clinic I had three medication changes and my doctor told me, “That was it”. I was given the option of ECT since no medication mixture could grant me a life I could live through day to day. At this point I decided to come off all medication and for six months struggled through the process of coming back to life. Over a year off medication I won’t say life is easier but it is life, and it is real and raw and I try embrace it all. What I have found is that the more medication I took the weaker I became. So now I say, embrace you fears and grit your teeth, roll out of bed on the days you are not sure if you can and try. Because that is all we can do. We will all be scared, some of us at smaller things like shopping malls or walking alone, but acknowledge this and fight. When I struggle I ask the simple question; “Can I change it? If so, change it. Otherwise move on.” We will always struggle with the angst and anxiety of the past and future but by forging our mind to stay in the present neither of these elements can hurt you.
I am not saying that all people with mental health issues should not be on medication but I believe there is nothing to lose in trying to obtain a healthy mind through thought changes, meditation and an acknowledgement of the joys that still exist in life.
Be brave, relinquish the ego, transcend your suffering, find beauty in the fact that you are part of the many atoms that create life.
honeyandthemooon asked: i want to make love to this blog!
I just made it to make others happy.
I, a universe of atoms, an atom in the universe.